If you have been following my expedition log so far you will have seen that I bought a boat and have since spent time adapting her. I have alluded to but not really explained why I suddenly took the jump to buy the boat and have only hinted at the ‘challenge’ I am planning to take on. I haven’t really explained where this sudden massive decision came from.
To explain it I need to go back a bit. Last December my condition reached a stage where I was placed under palliative care and given a year to live. This was due to several things but primarily because I was tired of constantly receiving invasive and often painful treatment that left me trapped in a hospital bed unable to live my life. Individually and with discussion with family and friends I decided to refuse treatment and focus on living rather than surviving, no matter how short a time that would leave.
Choosing to die scared me and rocked my world for a bit. For a while I stopped making long term plans because I didn’t see the point when I didn’t have a future. I didn’t really explain things because what can you say when the bottom has dropped out of your world. What do you say and how do you explain this to people who just can’t understand the decision to not continue treatment that is guaranteed to keep you alive. I haven’t regretted the decision for a single moment because I have lived more in the last year than I think I have in several years. Most importantly since making this decision I have not been admitted to hospital instead being able to receive treatment through the hospice.
Despite everything nearly, a year on I am here and still kicking. As each month went by and I didn’t deteriorate in the way everyone expected, a little flame of hope started inside me that maybe I had a future after all. I started thinking again about long-term plans yet at the same time was constantly waiting for the penny to drop. Then 6 months ago, after a fateful cup of tea with a friend, I decided I was done waiting to die and would rather live until I couldn’t anymore. It raised the question “If I was going to die anyway what did I really want to do before I did?”.
The answer to that question was simple, I wanted to sail around the world. I have always had a love for the sea and from that first sail in Cornwall to today there has always been a part of me that has longed to be at sea. To be alone with just the sea below me and the stars above me. To be well and truly at the mercy of mother nature and to experience total isolation. However, as simple as the dream was executing it, well that seemed somewhat impossible. It was a mad impossible idea that was completely impractical and just generally senseless. Yet it was the one thing I’ve had in the back of my head that I could never quite get rid of.
Seeing as I don’t know how long I have left I decided to see if I could somehow turn this dream into a reality. Step 1 was find a boat. Realizing going round the world could take some time I realized I needed a boat 32ft or larger. The issue was not only did I not have the finances to purchase a boat of that size, but I had very little experience doing any long-distance solo sailing. I knew I needed a slightly more possible baby step. So grew the idea of sailing around the UK and Ireland. This was not only more manageable in terms of the scale of the challenge, but I could get away with a much smaller boat something around 27ft which was much more realistically financially.
So in September I took the first major step into making this a reality. I bought a boat to complete my challenge. Still unsure if my idea was even possible, I didn’t feel ready to tell anyone and although close friends and family knew about the idea I don’t think anyone really believe it was going to happen. Then yesterday my first successful solo sail happened. As I was sailing it suddenly dawned on me that this dream was no longer some mad impossible idea instead it had become a rather real, and terrifying reality.
So here it is, my official announcement. I plan to attempt to become the first female wheelchair user to complete a solo, non-stop and unassisted circumnavigation of the UK and Ireland. I have set a start date of June 2025 and will be starting and finishing at Brighton Marina.
I still have a huge number of things to work out and plan and adapt but I know one way or another next year I will be attempting this. I have no intention of dying with regrets, so I intend to live as much as possible until I physically can’t anymore. So even though everyone thinks this is totally unachievable and it still might turn out to be, I know I plan to try. I have decided that despite my diagnosis, my budget, experience and really any other thing you want to think of, I am doing this.
I am absolutely shit scared but come hell or high water I will attempt this. I don’t know how long I have left to live and I can’t give anyone an answer. I am terrified of the future with an unknown timeline but instead of hiding and fearing it, I am just going to LIVE as if I have forever even if I only have today.
I can’t wait to see if this dream is possible, but more than anything I am going to enjoy every day of the journey to making it a reality. I really hope you will join me along the way and just maybe we can show that your only limitation is what you can imagine.
