Today I'm feeling odd, neither sad nor happy. Logically I know I am making forward progress, but all I see when I look out is the same view just sea, sky and sails. That makes it hard to feel at times like I'm moving at all.
My day consists of sailing to numbers and screens as there are no landmarks anymore. It is both incredible and breathtaking as well as creating a feeling of being trapped. No time, no sense of day, like being in a bubble or a goldfish in a bowl.
The weirdest part of all of this is there is no choice. You have to keep sailing whether you want to or not. You are miles out to sea and have to keep sailing.
I am also just starting to realize the scale of what I've taken on. I of course knew it would be physically demanding but actually feeling it makes it really hit home. I knew this challenge would push me but i never expected it to push me this hard so early on.
I find myself frustrated for feeling weak, as i feel i should enjoy every minute no matter what because i chose this. I know really that i am experiencing what anyone who takes on this challenge would experience. But at times i forget to be kind to myself and let the negative thoughts win. For now focus on simply taking it step by step and breath by breath. Moving forward inch by inch.
